Choose Life – Even When Facing the Diagnosis

You may have noticed it’s been a bit quiet in this corner of the world. It’s true. I’m one of those people who when facing life’s hardest stuff – I get quiet – I don’t move, perhaps if I stop it will somehow go away?

 

I’ll be honest, I’ve wrestled with whether to share this as I’m a deeply private person. Getting personal has been a repeated struggle for me in writing.  I think that’s why my words kinda stopped this month, because I wasn’t ready to be real and I must. So, here goes….

 

It came this month. The unwanted diagnosis. Malignant cancer. This news would be hard to hear at any age, but my son-in-law is 31 years old with two young children.

 

Picture the moment – the phone rings, I rush to answer it, I’m smiling because I love to talk on the phone – even better, it’s my son-in-law. Then, the pause and the words “I need to tell you something. I went to the ER last night. I was having severe stomach pain the past couple days; they did a CT scan – I have a tumor on my pancreas.”

 

By this point, I’m holding my breath, tears are flowing down my cheeks, my mouth is wide open (why do mouths do that in shock?).

In that moment, life stopped. Just a little.

 

“He referred me to a GI doc. I’ll need follow up right away,” his words come out haltingly, through tears. I close my mouth, my brain kicks in – the same brain that was trained as an RN and the same brain that has heard a tough diagnosis before.

 

I spoke the words I knew to be true – “You’re not alone. We’re here for you. You’ll get through this. We’ll find the best medical care available for you. You’re young and tough.”

 

Right about now I need a deep breath – inhale  – hold – exhale.

When life serves you up a diagnosis, or a trouble, or when you’re isolated be it from COVID or other causes, or you’re facing a year of home-schooling your very active children, or you struggle with a difficult job or a relationship that causes you grief and heartache – the question is – ‘What now? What do I do?’

 

The day after I heard the diagnosis, I did what I always do in the morning – I got out of bed, made my bed and head straight for the Keurig coffee pot. I press the ‘On’ button and locate my cobalt blue mug, insert organic Paul Newman Keurig cup and wait for my first cuppa. Then, per usual, I grab my turquoise Bible, sit down at our round glass kitchen table, and open my Bible hungry to read the Word.

 

Today I’m extra hungry – needy for truth. This morning grief is weighing on me, I feel the heaviness in my chest – I’m looking for something – some approach to the unapproachable.

 

Words from Deuteronomy 30:19,20 find me – the same words spoken by our pastor a week before during his sermon –

“This day I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life…”

 

I’ll admit, a couple of tears fall. God’s Word sometimes has that effect on me. I’ve come to trust God’s Word – His Word, literally, lights my path – not with a step-by-step flow chart, but with a direction. A way forward. Today, it’s towards God’s life.

Isn’t this the choice you and I face very day? Every moment? Not just on the day of the diagnosis, but even in on our ordinary days?

I’m convinced that the seemingly little choices of what we listen to – where we spend our time – the truths we fill up on, this is where our faith and life is truly decided.

• • • Will I choose life in this moment or will I choose to follow fear’s lead or to follow the voices on my social media feed?
    • Will I go the route of self protection and self interest – holding tightly to fear and the lie of ‘not enough’ or will I choose to live God’s truth of “I have given you everything you need for life and godliness’?
    • Whose voice will I listen to? Who will I follow this day?

 

I know this is only a starting point, but today I choose life. I choose to follow the Life-Giver, Himself. No matter what I’m facing, I choose God’s way’s, this day.

I’ll admit, I’m grieving some – the unexpected, mostly. But, I know God can handle my grief and yours. He knows. He sees. He considers and He takes it – our grief, our troubles, and, even our loved ones in hand. In Him do I trust.

“You, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; You consider their grief and take it in hand.”

Psalm 10:14

** I realize I’ve left you hanging in the middle of the story. I get it – I’m sitting right next to you on this one. I’ll bring some update your way – either here or on Instagram. I’ll leave you with this blessing – ‘May the gracious hand of the Lord be on you. May you experience His peace as you walk in His ways, this day. God bless you!’